What I’m grateful For…

I am grateful for my little family. I have a healthy, sweet, and intelligent little boy who looks so much like his Dad.

I am grateful for my support system; whether that comes from my partner and a few trusted friends or family.

I am grateful for my job. It’s easy as a Sunday morning… well most of the time.

I am grateful for having a way to get to work. He lets me use his for now, till I save up and get my own.

I am grateful for the health benefits I’m receiving through work. I can finally get my check ups and see a Doctor when I feel or need to.

I am grateful for the home that I have, he provides for us all and covers all the house bills. Including the mortgage.

I am grateful for his family. We’ve had a lot of misunderstandings and it wasn’t always easy, but I’m glad we can get past it and still be cordial and loving.

I am grateful for my connections. I’m pretty social when I want to be and I’m glad I know people that knows people, that knows people that knows people. If you can dig it.

I am grateful for my metabolism. A lot of people teased me about how skinny I was growing up, and they still do. Now I just eat however much I please without having to worry about trying to get rid of the weight.

I am grateful for the bay area and its culture all around. From the 90s to the now. I stayed true to my roots and never fronted about what city or neighborhood I came from.

I am grateful for my struggles. Its taught me to be grateful for what I have now; big or small, little or many. I don’t blame anybody else with my personal problems (but myself) and I own up to my faults when I know I’m wrong.

I am grateful for time. And life, itself. Having the skill and knowledge to do what I am able to do to provide for my growing son. Treating myself once in a blue moon and finding the time to do just that. Its vital.

I am grateful for the friends I can confide in and call up whenever I’m in a funk. I’m glad I have friends who would have a place for me to crash if I ever needed it. I think everyone needs that type of support in their lives.

I am grateful for my upbringing; good or bad. I’ve learned from my parents mistakes and their journey together as husband and wife. I know now, that all they ever wanted and hope was the best for us. I just wished I made them proud at some point in their lives.

I am grateful for this moment of reflection. Last night, a good friend of mine asked me what I am grateful for this year. And I was stuck. I think my answer sounded a bit mediocre or basic. Had to redo this exercise and decided to share. I think everyone should list a few things they’re extremely grateful for on a weekly or daily basis. Just a quick meditation to reflect.


Nipsey Hussle

I’m not going to front like I listen to him on the daily or even bought album or seen him live, even. Just something about another tragic death all because of gun violence, hits hard. Someone who was a good influence in their community. I didn’t know the man personally, but I heard nothing but good. He was going to come out with a documentary on Dr. Sebi and how there is a cure for AIDS. Also, he just had a baby (like some time last year with Lauren London). Shit is heartbreaking, I can’t even imagine losing my dad like that. Or knowing that’s how I ended up dying. All because of a fool.

And who knows what the real motive is, everyone is going with their theories on WHY’s. But times like this, you just get a slap out of reality. Life’s no joke. You’re there one day, then next thing you know, you’re gone. Just like that. I don’t understand why hurt people, hurt people. I don’t understand why its so easy for someone to just take someone’s life. Out of anger, greed, selfishness, or ego and pride.

Some say the government is behind it. Saying that they disagree with Nipsey bringing out awareness to the people regards to Dr. Sebi’s cure. And so this is another way to get rid of “their issue”. But its no secret that Dr. Sebi has a cure for AIDS. SOME people are aware of this but the question is, how come its not being aired for everyone to see? They will lose millions, maybe even billions, if they don’t have Americans relying on their pills and medications. They want us to suffer because we don’t have ALL the answers. I’m not sure they will go to lengths. But really, who knows. Nick Cannon is supposedly still going to out out Nipsey’s planned documentary on Dr. Sebi.

Some say it was the alleged shooter, Eric Holder. Better known as the cops “snitch”. Alleged reason for the attack, because Hussle called him out as a snitch. It really wouldn’t be too hard to believe if he was paid for such a thing. I just don’t understand why none of LA’s people found this man first, before the cops did? And not a single scratch on his face, even. Seems fishy.

I know we have got to stop with all the conspiracy theories. But we just want answers. I can’t believe someone from his own city would do this to him. Let alone, in front of his own store. I didn’t lose him personally, but I felt a loss from the moment I heard the news on Sunday night. Reading his wife’s first post since his passing, makes you tear. I just can’t. I would not wish this on anybody. Not even my worst enemy.

I’m blessed I’m still living. Sometimes, I feel like shit. But just knowing I’m feeling something and still here. Gives me gratitude and keeps me humble. Life isn’t promised forever. Be careful how you treat others around you and be mindful about your actions.

On track…

It’s officially been a month and a week, since my first day at my new job. I’m still pretty bad at memorizing names. But I’m sure I’ll learn it after another month or two. So far, so good. I’m just thankful I can work for a company that offers full benefits. Last week, I got to choose a pediatric physician for Mason. He went to his visit and met his new doctor without me. My first time ever missing a doctor’s appointment. It felt bit weird, but I did have to work that morning.

I still don’t have my own car, yet. I’ve spent my first two paychecks on paying back high balances through credit. Paypal Credit is the devil. Lol I am just saying… that thing is dangerous. I also received another lame ass parking ticket for when I used to drive for Uber/Lyft with the rental car. Omg. I wanted to contest it in person or by mail but I seriously didn’t want to go through the hassle of waiting for a response; hence accumulating the fine given. So I paid off the damn transit ticket the day before it goes up to $360 instead of $260. All for dropping a passenger off right behind a transit bus in Oakland. I didn’t see any sign or red curb mind you. City like to get in on stupid camera/traffic tickets, as if our tax money ain’t good enough. You can’t even give a fuck about fixing these damn potholes in Oakland; causing drivers to get into an accident bc the road is shitty. Ya’ll care more about getting paid than actually giving a damn about your city.

I also, finally, got to file my taxes. The latest I’ve filed everrr. I usually do it by February but I’ve been distracted with a lot lately. Some I can’t really mention online since I don’t want to air out all my problems. Not that anyone I know, will know, or if I should even care what other thinks. I just hope, the person I truly care about. Knows that… I do mean well. No matter how “blunt or bitchy” I can get. Just know I am the way I am because I simply care. Point blank, period. But since I’m “doing too much” or seem to be asking for the world, I should just shut the fuck and keep my opinions to myself. Stay mute and passive like I’ve always been.

I have been trying to keep my plans and dates organized by having a planner to record. I haven’t done this since back in college, but I’m glad I’m doing it now. It keeps me from forgetting to complete important tasks. I should write down my friends bday dates, I don’t memorize most of my friends bday dates. Does that make me a bad friend? Lol. I know I’m not the only one!

I’m looking for flights to book for us 3 again. New York is like $900 for us three. Mexico is looking $2200.. ughh. Already planned Hawaii for Daddy’s bday week. Someone give me suggestions! I know NY might not be a good idea for a baby trip, right? Too much people. I do have one of my best buds living there though. So the stay, we won’t have to worry about much. Suggestions pleaseee!

Usual Routine

5:45 am – 1st alarm goes off to SNOOZE

5:55 am – I get up before my next 7:00 alarm goes off

6:06 am – Got my butt to the toilet, wash face, and brush teeth.

6:23 am – Finished tying my hair up to a perfect tight bun

6:36 am – Finished applying my natural light make up for the day

6:40 am – Rushed to get a last minute outfit put on

6:45 am – Leaves the house for work

6:59 am – Arrives to work on time (if all goes well on morning commute)

7:00 am – Clock in for work

12:00 pm – Lunch break

12:45 pm – Back to work

3:00 pm – Clock out & head home asap

3:15 pm – Back Home

3:30 pm – Smoke break

4:00 pm – All night with the little one

8:00 pm – Dinner/Snacks

8:30 pm – Gets ready for bedtime

9:00 pm – Put the little one to bed

9:30 pm – Smoke break

9:40 pm – Set all 3/4 alarms on; Time for bed!

Repeat next day till Friday.

Chill for the weekends.

I seriously don’t know how much else I can fit social life in this boring routine of my mine, with barely the time I have left for myself. That’s set up only for the weekends. I can’t really make plans after work unless I planned it way ahead of time. I get tired being asked the same questions every now and then, “What you got planned for the weekend?” “Are you doing anything after work?” “Nah, I gotta head home to watch the baby.”

Every conversation I have at work with my new coworkers are very limited. Since I only work with 3 different people in my department. And when its slow at work, I find myself scrolling through social media. I’ve recently put a time limit on my IG page (there’s a setting) where you can set an alert for when you’ve reach the chosen time limit you set for the day. I limited it down to 2 hours of screen time.

I also don’t follow through any of the reality shows I used to watch every Mondays and Wednesdays on VH1. Just get tiring following fake drama for entertainment. I haven’t been as motivated to cook as much as I used to back when I used to be just a ‘stay home mama’. Not really sure what happened to me. I’m just so tired after work and barely have energy to really want to pursue to do much. That really irks me. I need a new hobby/distraction. Something just for me.

I understand that everyone has their usual routines. And that mines are way different than my friends. My current lifestyle is probably not as exciting or daring. Considering they don’t have any children or have any plans to within the next 2-3 years, its difficult to find a way to relate more with each other. It would probably be more convenient if they had kids too so we can have baby play dates. For now, I’m just waiting for the next wedding to be announced, just so I can have a fun event to attend to.

I guess that’s what I get for being a homebody. Someone needs to get me out of my shell. I’m too broke at the moment until I get to save up for my own car. And when summer comes, hope I’ll get to travel on my birthday this year. Got to remind myself that good things takes time. Slowly… but surely. I’m starting to sound like a ‘broken record’. Hiyaaaaahhhh

So Far… So Good…

It’s been an official one week at my new job. And yes, I got the job I wanted 🙂

I love the perks and advantages I have. Knowing that I only live about a 10-11 minute back road drive to work, is a start. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, we get free catered lunch. All snacks and drinks amenities are available in the kitchen. There’s comfortable spaces you can relax in, ping pong table, and darts set up even. I work with 3-4 different people in my department minimally. The job duties are simple, easy, and doable. ooh and they offer FULL benefits; medical, dental, and vision. Which is something I really need this year, considering we aren’t qualified to get be part of Medical. Paying healthcare insurance out of pocket in our area, is anywhere between $350+ up. So having this benefit through work really helps me out a lot, as a parent trying to make the most of the circumstances.

On my first day of work, I started at 10 am. I met with one of the HR and she showed me how to set up my work email accounts and an app called Slack, a way to chat with the employees in our HQ ( i guess its kinda like AOL). I was then given a Wonder woman gift bag as a welcome gift from the team (it happened to a be the company’s mug, t-shirt, and drinking flask). Everyone was really nice and welcoming. No one seems to be micromanaging and they even have this company team building gatherings/activities outside work. The next one they have set up is for next Friday, for a rope course in the city. Which, I’m prolly going to skip out on. Lol

Seriously, this have been the best first week ever working for a new and established company. I’m just glad they even contacted me in the first place and responded to my application online. I’ve told my partner and oldest brother to try and apply also. They’ll be working for another department (accounting and customer service) so it should work out if all goes as planned.

I’ve given up my rental car last Friday. I’m seriously going to miss that Mazda 2016, it’s truly a gas saver and one of the best cars I’ve driven. But $240 a week was too much for a rental. I couldn’t handle doing 2-3 hours of this rideshare gig right before my next 8 hr shift job. I’ll give myself another month or two before I get to finance my own car. I’m actually going to consider making monthly payments instead of having to rely on uber or lyft to get to work every day. All in all, it just feels awesome knowing I’m saving $800/mo not having to worry about this expense anymore. I can sleep better now. Hahaha Thank You G.

But so far, so good. I’m blessed af hope it lasts.



Whooot Whooot

Okay I  need to vent. I want to celebrate but it might be too early to. I know I got the job already (they called me in to see the warehouse facility where they work) and an in person interview this week! Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! Not going to mention the company name, but reading from the employees reviews online, got me looking forward to working there and being a part of this fulfillment company that caters to healthcare facilities.

At first, I was so torn about having to choose Healthcare over Fulfillment/Logistics. But this one just sets is straight for me, both combined into one. What a perfect dynamic! I couldn’t ask for a better company to work into getting a career started. I’ll work my way up just like last time; give it a year or two and my positions changed. Cross fingers But really, I’m just so damn happy that they called me back for a tour and interview. They offer benefits and its located in the same city I live in as well! I can’t wait to start working there. I just have a really good vibe about this one.

I was getting into it working for Lyft/Uber in the beginning, the ride requests were constant and the money was real good for the amount of rides given. But after 1,000 rides in 5 months, (which totals to about $5,000 in car rental through Hertz) and putting in 8-10 hours a day of driving is exhausting. Some days are good, some days are just slow. You’re either a waiting duck or a road raging fuck trying to locate possible busy spots. I couldn’t picture myself working as an Independent contractor long term with no sort of health benefits included. Also, I could’ve bought my own used vehicle with that $5,000 instead of spending it on a rental. But I guess this is the price I pay for having a shitty credit score with no vehicle to begin with. This was the “easy” way out. Not a really good choice for long term career choice. Great side hustle though.

After this job thing is in place, I will treat myself for a real, quality, deep tissue massage. Throw out all my old shoes and shop for new ankle boots. And book a trip to NY and Mexico this year! Mark my words! If I’m lucky as hell and work real hard this year, I’m adding Iceland to this year’s goal.

“Don’t believe me, just watch”

I’ve been updating my Linkedin page quite a bit because I want to impress any possible employers from bigggg UPP companies I would dieeeee to work for. I actually wanted to work for Lyft/Uber’s HQ but I haven’t found a position that matched my skill sets and experience. I need to remind myself to be patient…

“Good things takes time.”




“Why is SF Bay Area so expensive?”

I think this is my top favorite question to answer when I pick up passengers from my rideshare job (not going to mention if I work for Uber or Lyft). I moved to San Francisco back in 1995 when the bridge toll was still $2 and muni bus fares was only 35 cents. So rent must’ve been anywhere from $600-$900 living in downtown area. That was over 20 years ago. So if you can find an apartment or house to rent in the city for $2,000 that’s already a “good deal” for this current year.

“What makes it so expensive to live in SF Bay area?” they asks me.

And Its all really simple. Its a modern Ripple Effect. Its people and what they choose to put their money on. Technology runs the world right now. Facebook, Google, Twitter, Youtube, Instagram, iPhone, iMAC, etc. Even our own president can’t keep himself off the twitter with his small twitter fingers. In over the span of 10 years, I’ve seen nothing but full of IT techies move into the city because the IT Tech demand is high here. And with all the “techie” families moving here with their high salary pay, the rent goes up (also there’s no rent control here). It’s not about new people moving into the city, its the companies they work for.

They are creating more work spaces than affordable living spaces.

Over the years, I’ve noticed no change in homelessness. If anything… it has gotten worst. You think a city that has a minimum pay wage of $15/hour is a lot. But that is barely enough to get by living here in SF bay area. Its a competition out here. You got to work harder and got to be wise with how you manage your income. And if you stress easily or get too caught up with the crowd, you can easily find yourself into a drug addiction, mental problems, and worst case; be homeless.

Another passenger I had in the past, is a social worker for the city. And I got to commend them for their choice of career. Because I’m pretty sure they deal with real daily struggles of different type of hurt or mental people; addicts and the homeless. So they must be really challenged and stressed. But also, good enough people to wanting to do better for their own community and the people around them.  He mentioned getting close to landing an affordable housing for the homeless but a techie business had offered more $ and bought out the property. So where do they go now? The shelters are always full and have to go through lines in Tenderloin. The tents set up basically anywhere in the city, even in Berkeley, Emeryville, and Oakland. You start to notice them frequently under the bridges and off the sidewalk and we just pass along with our daily lives. Thinking, that will never be me… or maybe it can. One bad thing, one bad choice, and its all shit from there.

If you’re wise, you would know by now that renting long term is just like throwing your money away. Save up ASAP for a down payment or hope you’ve built a really good enough credit in order to get a loan. Rental property is also profitable, Airbnb or rent out the house when you’re done paying it off. Or sell the house completely after 5-10 years when its marketable and have enough profit to buy another property. Profit off the space or live in it. This is one of the main reasons why I wanted to get a tiny house instead, shits too expensive to be living. Got to think of other ways to live comfortably long term, of course. So another good industry to work for; Real estate.

And if you’re just a regular shmegular gal like me who’s just trying to get by with a regular shmegular public job service position, try working for the city or medical field. So even with a shitty hourly pay, you can still get by with decent health benefits. Having a sense of humor and real supportive family/friends helps as well! lol

But for real, I get this question asked so many times. Maybe I can prevent others from thinking of moving here. Might save them the time to think it all through. Because I’m sure they are not “all about this life lol just keeding! No but really. I guess I really don’t know how “expensive” it is to live here because I’ve lived here most my life. I don’t know how “cheap” or affordable it must be to live elsewhere, but others like to tell me and compare. I do love knowing the fact that we can be living in a mansion in Nevada, Texas, or elsewhere with the mortgage up here.

When it comes down to it. I didn’t choose my home/city. I was brought to this city and was basically forced to grow up in this type of community. When people think of San Francisco, they think of all the nice things they see or notice or how “wonderful it must be to live here”. They don’t think of the; 2 bus commutes to school/work in the morning, thin walls in the apartments, overpriced living expenses, no backyard space, meth/crackheads as your neighbors or city dwellers outside in front of your building, and never-ending parking tickets. In order to live here comfortably, you need to be earning more than $80,000 per year. If your choice of occupation/career doesn’t match your choice of lifestyle, you would need to consider getting another job. In the bay area, that’s a pretty norm thing, having two  jobs or three, sometimes just having paid gigs here and there if you’re a kick ass bartender (another job position to look into prolly not good for long term though).

And so that’s it. It’s really the choice of your lifestyle that determines how hard you should be working. You want to continue driving that Cadillac, then yes please proceed to pay at least $600 down on lease payments. You want to continue living in that four bedroom house with a lovely spacious front and backyard, then yes please proceed to pay $4,000 in mortgage payments. If you want your child to have the best education/daycare in one of the best cities to live in, then yes please proceed to pay at least $2,000 a month. You’re a tool. A slave to this type of economy. If you know better, you’d humble yourself and don’t let work or $ make up of what’s left of your life existence. Yeah you just want the best life and outcome for all your hard work. But is this lifestyle really worth it?